Puke Central

November has not been a good month at the Ferrell house. It all started about the middle of that first week- Jordon ran a temp around 102-103 for about 3 days. Grandma came up and stayed with him Thurs. and Fri. when he couldn't go to daycare. He seemed to come out of it and we were even able to attend the Mizzou game that weekend. Then a little later he started with coughing at night and vomitting. I have lost track with how long that has gone on. One week ago it looked like his graft site was infected again. Don called Children's Mercy and they had us restart the antibiotics. Also last weekend we ended up seeing his doc on Sunday, getting a nebulizer, and starting breathing treatments to try and stay on top of the cough and keep it from leading to vomitting. His doc thought he had viral bronchitis. The neb seemed to help at first- especially if we paired it with some combination of Roxicet and/or Benadryl as well. But unfortunately as the week has gone on, he has had vomitting at least 4 nights. Then this am when I was ready to walk out the door to take him to daycare I noticed his jeans were wet and realized he had diarrhea- he had 2 large episodes this am before we could get out the door. Then I'm thinking great, what if he has c-diff from the damn antibiotics? Can babies get c-diff like adults? Don left work today and took him to be seen yet again. He wasn't sure but thought that it could be the case- the plan was to watch it this weekend and start Flagyl Monday if it doesn't improve. Good news is that it is already much improved as the day's gone on, so I am hopeful that it's not c-diff after all. Bad news is that here we are again in the middle of the night, post-clean up of jammies and bedding because he puked again. Don and I are nearly at the end of our rope from not sleeping and not knowing what else to do for the little guy. Geez it's hard being a parent sometimes. We are just wondering when we're going to get a break from all this.

Fun at the Farm

Jordon got to spend some time in Grandpa and Tim's combine. He was lovin' it. Don drove it around for a bit and after that day Jordon was fascinated with the "numbine".

Happy Halloween

Jordon was a cow this year-- thanks to the Sinclairs for the costume! We put it on at the farm so Mom and Dad could see him in it before Halloween. On the actual night of Halloween, we had a cow on a 4-wheeler as he insisted on going out on the bike. We have a house in our neighborhood that decorates their entire yard with cool Halloween decorations, so of course we had to visit them. Getting him off the 4-wheeler to actually go up to their door was quite the challenge... not because he was scared, but because he didn't want to give up the 4-wheeler.

Pumpkins Etc.

Pumpkins Etc. is a great little Mom and Pop pumpkin patch up north-- nothing fancy and no frills but we love it and come here about every year to get our pumpkins. They also have great mums. Every year they have a new batch of kittens and give them away at the end of their season... not to us of course. We already have our own... in fact, I should ask if I can donate cats to the giveaway- but ours aren't small and cute anymore. This year they added the hay bales to play on for the kids, which Jordon loved. In fact he threw a fit each time we took him off and wanted to get right back into the mix of it.

Weston Pumpkin Patch

This year we made the rounds at several pumpkin patches in the KC area. This was the Red Barn Farm and had a lot of attractions! It was really packed the day we went too. The place had chickens, horses, and other animals as well as pumpkins, a food stand, and a really nice gift shop. Jordon was fascinated with the chickens but yet didn't want to get too close without Don or I being right there. He got to sit on a pretty cool old tractor but not for long 'cause there were other kids itching to get their turn. It was a fun place and we will plan to go back!

KC Zoo

This year the employee picnic for work was in September and held at the zoo. It was a great idea for a place to have it-- we had a good time taking Jordon on a train ride around the zoo (and thru the scary dark tunnel). We saw quite a few animals, including this turtle who was trying to bite the glass, birds, tigers, and others. We didn't make it all thru the place since the zoo here is so spread out and somebody was getting really grumpy. Another time before Jordon was here, Don and I went to the zoo and spent over 3 hours walking to see the entire place.

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Tribute to Dad

We had Kaleb Nierman put together a CD for us of pictures of Dad throughout his life, and set it to a couple songs. It turned out really well and we played it at Dad's services. Last week I took it into work and showed it to our palliative care team and to some other folks afterward. I was not prepared for the immense pride I would feel for my Dad is sharing this video with others. I would show it to just about anybody who would watch it, despite a few of the photos in there of me, including one with the classic 80's hair. If I can figure out a way to post it here, I will. I was so proud of my Dad, who he was, and how he lived his life that I feel like I am literally bursting at the seams with pride. So many people who knew Dad have commented on what a gentle, kind and wonderful person he was. Although those last few weeks were difficult, there are a few classic funny lines I don't want to forget that we heard Dad say during that time. Here are the ones I can recall at the moment--



"Well, everybody's up so we might as well have a card party" (at 3 am one of the nights Mom and I had been up all night with him)



"Damn you're slow!" (said to Mom while waiting on her to help him in the bathroom)



"Get me a dish of ice cream" (He didn't want much to eat toward the end, but he surprised us a couple times with asking for ice cream, as he did many times in the past when he felt better-- it was one of his favorite foods, along with popcorn, nuts, and pizza. That's why my brothers, sister, and I laugh when we see the pictures of him eating popcorn...

We'll Miss You Dad

Realized I didn't post anything in the month of October. That would be because things became so busy with my Dad. He declined dramatically due to progression of his metastatic prostate cancer, and I took a LOA from work to help take care of him. He died on October 22, 2009. My siblings and I helped Mom care for him at home with the help of Kansas City Hospice and Palliative Care (my workplace). It is soooo different being on the other end. I will never look at the families that I serve at work the same way. I go back to work tomorrow- not sure how it will go considering I'm still dealing with death and dying and just went through it with my own Dad. Dad was diagnosed back in 12/06, so he made it a little less than 3 years following the diagnosis of Stage IV disease. He did struggle at times in those last 3 weeks with pain, anxiety, and terminal restlessness, but did become comfortable with the right mix of medications.



Even though I wasn't working, it was hard juggling needs of my own family with being there for my parents. On the brief periods that I came home to see Jordon, he didn't want much to do with me. Since I had been gone so much, Don became his constant and all he wanted was "DaDa". Things are getting back to normal though now, although I think my favorite status has diminished and Don can now claim that. Although we weren't really ready for Dad to go (how can you ever really be ready?), I am glad we kept him at home and I have no regrets. Although it was diffiult at times for Don and I to juggle our own family issues, it was worthwhile--I think Dad felt safe knowing that I was there because I usually knew what to do when he had a problem, and he would ask family members from time to time if I was still there. He told me numerous times over the past few months and especially the last 3 weeks "I don't know what we'd do without you". That says a lot coming from a private man who rarely shared his feelings with us throughout our lives. That's just how he was- we knew we were loved and that he was proud of us, but we didn't hear it from him. While he could still communicate, he also recognized which of his children were present, and would ask about the ones who weren't there, and seemed to be at peace when he was told when they would be coming. He was still able to look out the big window in the living room to see Tim coming in with the combine, or tractor- carrying on his work in the fields. He was able to hear about his cattle check coming, and how the majority of the cattle he shipped this last time were either "choice" or "prime" status (that brought a smile to his face). He also got to hear about friends calling and their messages- including some that said "Your Dad is the nicest man I've ever met". We heard that many times from people who called or came to the visitation. One friend of Dad's from the creamery, where he worked 50 years ago came to pay his respects. Many people in the community talked about the wonderful person that my Dad was and how he'll be missed- it made us proud to hear those stories.



I'm sure the next few weeks, months, and years will hold a lot of adapting for all of us. I found myself while at my parents after he had died in some way expecting him to come in through the garage door, take off his workboots, and sit down at the kitchen table like he always did. It caught me off guard seeing Dad before the visitation as it didn't look like him at all. It also feels really strange to say "We're going to visit Dad's grave". We will miss his laughter, stories, and presence. But I do know that a part of him will always be with us, and although Jordon is very young, he knows Grandpa and we'll make sure that Dad's legacy continues on in our family. We love you Dad.